A year ago!
Sitting in her own, digging in her thoughts, whites and blacks pop up with no reason… reaching memories which she hardly believes living them in real… A year ago she was sitting with the same pressure… different places… different faces but never gets rid of instability status... loosing control becomes one of her unique traits …
She is thinking…
Over and over again!!!!
Why does she insist to have it after all the suffering she passed through? Why is it hard to be normal in talking about her life? Why has she made it so bloody complicated to discuss it with girls of her age?
A year ago she was sitting with the same bad temper. Complaining about her stupidity to search for love, for adventure, for a change… a year ago she was in love with another person, another fantasy with no common senses… A year ago she got rid of a fairy-tale by another legend….
“NO” was never her word… she was always so sweet not to say “NO”…. she is a “YES” girl … “YES” for dream… “YES” for now… for trust… for fun… for playing heart games… her favorite game… she used to play her role with magic… she knows what he wants to hear or feel … he was always a puzzle that she loved to solve and never failed… Now, she’s tired… restless… and confused…
Despite of a known end, “HE” never stopped trying to get more into her… with a charming way and a lovely effect, “HE” keeps manipulating her … surely she loves him… with desperate feelings she struggles not to refuse him…
With all the blaming guilty thoughts she endures… she does not know why she fears to upset him… why she fears to face him…”YES” she loves him … but till when… it’s a shame that after all the things “HE” has done for her… she suffers a feeling of being mistreat… isn’t it true that “HE” should not just accept a relationship out of love frame, but also try hard to avoid it? Isn’t it hard to be refused by “SHE”? Why does “HE” keep insisting of being closer with love after long negotiation of “NO”? Is it the way that “SHE” says it? Or is it just a strategy of “HE” to wait her frail moments? Why is it even hard to judge him even in papers? Tons of pushy words argue with the fingers tips to bare… to show up… to breathe the justice… Why do these tips choose to stand the weight over to tell? Her all body seems to have a conspiracy against her… is it because she mistrust it at first? Was it her fault? … “YES” it was and will always be her fault until she learns to say “NO”… until she learns not to worry about anybody sensation but herself… until she respect God’s creation of her body and mind… and whatever happened after that worth nothing just memories that will stick inside the heart; dig for soreness and more sorrow…
As long as “a year ago” exists with this seemingly - eternal meaning… God lord, she can clearly see her gruesome ending… and as long as “a year ago” is felt guilt… as long as she can’t deserve a human spirit… a wise limit should be written for “HE” and “she” regardless what consequences will be…
She is thinking…
Over and over again!!!!
Why does she insist to have it after all the suffering she passed through? Why is it hard to be normal in talking about her life? Why has she made it so bloody complicated to discuss it with girls of her age?
A year ago she was sitting with the same bad temper. Complaining about her stupidity to search for love, for adventure, for a change… a year ago she was in love with another person, another fantasy with no common senses… A year ago she got rid of a fairy-tale by another legend….
“NO” was never her word… she was always so sweet not to say “NO”…. she is a “YES” girl … “YES” for dream… “YES” for now… for trust… for fun… for playing heart games… her favorite game… she used to play her role with magic… she knows what he wants to hear or feel … he was always a puzzle that she loved to solve and never failed… Now, she’s tired… restless… and confused…
Despite of a known end, “HE” never stopped trying to get more into her… with a charming way and a lovely effect, “HE” keeps manipulating her … surely she loves him… with desperate feelings she struggles not to refuse him…
With all the blaming guilty thoughts she endures… she does not know why she fears to upset him… why she fears to face him…”YES” she loves him … but till when… it’s a shame that after all the things “HE” has done for her… she suffers a feeling of being mistreat… isn’t it true that “HE” should not just accept a relationship out of love frame, but also try hard to avoid it? Isn’t it hard to be refused by “SHE”? Why does “HE” keep insisting of being closer with love after long negotiation of “NO”? Is it the way that “SHE” says it? Or is it just a strategy of “HE” to wait her frail moments? Why is it even hard to judge him even in papers? Tons of pushy words argue with the fingers tips to bare… to show up… to breathe the justice… Why do these tips choose to stand the weight over to tell? Her all body seems to have a conspiracy against her… is it because she mistrust it at first? Was it her fault? … “YES” it was and will always be her fault until she learns to say “NO”… until she learns not to worry about anybody sensation but herself… until she respect God’s creation of her body and mind… and whatever happened after that worth nothing just memories that will stick inside the heart; dig for soreness and more sorrow…
As long as “a year ago” exists with this seemingly - eternal meaning… God lord, she can clearly see her gruesome ending… and as long as “a year ago” is felt guilt… as long as she can’t deserve a human spirit… a wise limit should be written for “HE” and “she” regardless what consequences will be…
posted by dianaaa | 2:48 AM
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